okay guys I’m real good friends with this cool girl and we hang out an awful lot and she really likes me but last week-end I told her I loved her and she said it’s really not mutual and she only thinks of me as a good friend and really nothing more and now our friendship is going to be awkward and I don’t know if I can handle seeing her and I’m seeing her tomorrow what should I do?
PS: her hair smells nice ;(
You really should stop telling girls that you love them out of the blue (I presume it’s out of the blue); it freaks them the hell out. It’s an awfully strong word and should only be used casually when you’re drunk.
You could thank her for being so understanding, tell her that you’re happy you can carry on being good friends and try to carry on being her friend. <strike>Then you can scheme a way into her pants!</strike>
Also, I strongly suggest that you stop asking people on the Internet for relationship advice; people on the Internet suck.
Go gay.
I suck too, mr smarty-pants, so where else should I turn? Anyway, I’m asking everyone for advice right now. I might even ask her for advice.
As for your advice, how the fuck am I supposed to go about it? Say “hey I want to have sex” then when we climax yell “SURPRISE! I ACTUALLY LOVE YOU!”
No, you’re supposed to shove twinkies down your (and her) throat during sex.
Maybe instead of that you could in the future try dropping fairly subtle hints from time to time, like when you met up you could have said something like “Your hair smells nice today” or “You’re looking nice today”.
Heck, I do that even when I’m not having sex.
Dragon, just be friends with the girl. Maybe her feelings will change with time, or maybe not. Either way, having a friend with good smelling hair is the way to go!
Why are you talking to Dragon? I’m the one who is sad here. ;(
And Dragon, subtle hints would probably lead to pre-emptive dumping. That’s even more harsh.
Oh, well I figured Dragon was having a similar problem and was simply masking his pain by mocking others. Yeah, I guess the same would apply to you too though, Oblivion.
I was actually serious with my suggestion. 
But I will keep in mind your suggestions ChemBot, maybe I SHOULD try stealing away Oblivions love interest!
NO
“Hi, my name’s Stacy. What’s yours?”
“OH GOD I LOVE YOU! DO YOU HAVE A LIVEJOURNAL I DO HERES THE URL YOU CAN READ IT SOMETIME IF YOU WANT I WROTE ALL ABOUT YOU LAST NIGHT BUT I DIDN’T USE PARAGRAPHS! GOD I LOVE YOU!”
YES
“Hi, my name’s Stacy. What’s yours?”
“Bob. It’s great to meet you, Stacy!”
On a serious note: if possible, just play it off as you making gentle humor. If that’s not an option (uh ohes), just ignore that it ever happened. Denial is the true path to success.
Yes.
Or you could build up a relationship with her first and then move it to the next level and so on.
Imagine how you’d feel if you were good friends with a young lady and they spontaneously spouted out “I WANT YOUR BABIES!” with no prior warning. Would you feel uncomfortable if you didn’t feel the same way at the time?
I know I’d be feeling embarrassed, shocked and unsure what our friendship is about. I know because I have and I’ve done the same thing as you too, albeit in far less extreme mannar. You’re probably feeling stupid, like you screwed up, unsure of yourself and your apparently failing skills with the womenfolk. Rejection is normal so learn to live with it.
The easy solutions are to join the Catholic Church, become sexually repressed and then molest choir boys. I wouldn’t recommend that; it’s getting far harder to get away with such things nowadays. Or you could try to stop acting so desperate (you can still be desperate) and scaring girls away.
When you smile big, smile with your eyes… Bad way of putting it. When you fake a smile you smile with your lips and it looks fake. If you raise your cheeks a little bit and tighten the corners of your eyes it’ll look more natural, with practice that is. I smile all the time at people all the fucking time! For example when I’m at work, or wherever, I smile when I’m holding a door open for someone; or if someone hold it open for me, walking past people I know by face (men tend to get a nod) it doesn’t actually mean I’m stupidly happy to see them, I’m just being friendly and acknowledging that they’re there and that I’m a nice sociable guy. If you come across as a social person people will be more likely to approach you or be willing to be approached.
Smile when you first see a girl that you’re meeting up with so she knows that you’re happy tosee her. If she says a funny don’t laugh out loud like a dork, I tend to smile a bit and exhale a bit out of my nose. Looking at the mirror and trying to emulate it now I’m showing some teeth by raising my top lip and I’m dipping my head a bit. I don’t know if I do that all the time but I’m doing it now, but then I’m not really responding to a funny.
When you’re talking to her have your arms open and not crossed. I tend to use my arms and hands a lot (not in that way) by making slight gestures with them as I speak. I have my hands open and show my palms, shrug and so on. Lean towards her a bit (and only a bit), if she moves back to counteract your initial movement then she’s probably uncomfortable with you getting close to her.
Something that I’ve done in the past is look at her shoulder a couple of times and the brush off (more pick up and flick) fluff from somebody’s shoulder. It’s not real fluff, it’s in my mind. If she flinches, look at your hand with an uneasy ‘what the fuck’s he doing’ look on their face then she probably not too happy with you getting close to her. If she doesn’t seem to mind it doesn’t mean that she’s madly in love with you, she might not mind because she sees you a friend. If she does mind then I’d say that there was a tiny bit of fluff there and it was really annoying me. Seems stupid but at least your getting close to her and seeing how she reacts.
When you want her attention try tapping her hand to get it. Don’t do this when she’s talking to people or doing something important; you don’t want to seem needy. It’s more of a ‘we’re watching a video on the TV’ type of thing and you want to quietly attract her attention.
You might want to try to hold her hand while you’re walking with her. Don’t grab her hand either, I tend to not hand hold with a girl I’m not involved with when she’s around people she, I or we know. When you’re blatantly trying to show her that you like her, in public (especially when you’re around friends) it could make her feel awkward and embarrassed. Don’t grab her hand, more stroke her hand look at her and then see if she seems to like it or wait and see if she hold onto your hand.
I tend to look at another persons body language, if it’s telling me to back away I’m not going to try to get close to them. If they’re leaning by a bar or leaning forwards on a table I try to do the same,
When I flirt with girls I flirt with my body language a lot. I’ve been told I flirt without even knowing that I am. Try not to be stiff (no pun intended, ok slight pun intended by pointing out that no pun’s intended).
I used to be really aware of myself and my flaws but then I got comfortable with who I am and really stopped caring what people thought of me or if I’ve come across like a prick. I have a slight lisp and I was really concerned about what people (especially girls) thought of it and it really got in the way of me being a crazy little fucker. Truth be told I still don’t like talking on the phone too much but that’s just been inbuilt into me from years of being nervous about the way I talk. I used to put my hand over my mouth when I talk too people I didn’t know (again especially girls) and I never really noticed it, I just did it. It was only until a girl I was talking to kept pulling my hand away from my mouth and told me that it was really annoying because she couldn’t hear what I was saying. Now I know I did that I don’t anymore and I try to come across as being confident.
The way I see it when I’m talking to randoms the chances are I’m not going to see them ever again so who cares what they think of me. If I do get see them again they’re going to have to know what I’m like sooner or later. When I’m talking to people I know, they already know me too and how I am and act so I might as well be myself.
What I suspect is putting girls off is your tendency to tell them that you love them with no prior warning. If you must, rephrase it so you’ve grown rather fond of them instead.
Then time when I started being more social and having improving success with women was the time that I stopped really caring about who I was and just became myself. Coincidently it happened roughly the same time I started drinking…
If I’m trying it on with a lady I tend to use my body language to portray that I’m an easy going, nice guy and to see how they react to me. I basically flirt with a girl and then move it on. I tend to move slowly too, well seemingly slower than other guys tend to.
I know none of this is going to make a girl suddenly fall in love with you, but it will let her know that you’re interested in her so she doesn’t all of a sudden freak out when you tell her.
Shite, most importantly look at her too. Make fleeting eye contact with her. Don’t stare at her breasts, I know it hard not to when your at a club or bar and she’s wearing a low cut top but just cop a slight look rather than stare at her. It’ll be best to not look at all but I can’t do that. Don’t stare at he eyes either. Staring at somebody’s eyes is either for your partner or somebody you’re going to fight, not for a friend.
Don’t tell girls that you have feelings for them out of the blue! Flirt with them first so they know that you’re interested in them and then ask her out.
I’ve gone from being a shy, scared of talking to people person into a more outgoing, confident and some say over the top kind of guy. I can’t explain how it happened it just did.
I know I’m no Casanova but I know if I give it a go the chances are get a girls attention.
If a girl wants to meet up with you it’s a pretty good indication that she thinks that you’re an ok kind of guy so why now flirt with her and see if she responds? A lot of it is seeing how she reacts and knowing what to do (maybe in my case thinking you know what to do).
You’re telling me to be myself, then setting up myriads of social rules for me to abide by to make others more at ease around me. Then you tell me not to be self-conscious.
WHAT
Wow Rav, are you actually <a href=“http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0386588/”>Will Smith</a>?
Obliv, instead of trying to memorize a long list of rules and regulations, I’d suggest just taking one or two of those at a time and try them out. Think of it as a science experiment in psychology (and if you’re really successful, biology). Afterall, science rules!
Yeah the whole dating scene is a cesspool of confusion! Nobody said it would be easy.
Just flirt with girls. FLIRT!
For the record I am Will Smith and it seems that I still have a movie career.
I didn’t specify, but there was a certain ammount of flirting leading up to this. For example, on this night I had held her hand for the major part of one of the movies, hugged her a lot, made sexy jokes, etc, etc. Also, a certain ammount of eye contact. And I had given her many compliments in the weeks leading up to it, and stuff like that. She was still taken by surprise, but that is because she is very clueless about such things, since in high school, guys NEVER EVER liked her. EVER!
Try telling her you like her. I think the big thing you fucked up on was telling her that you love her, it’s too strong a word to wave around.
You like her. LIKE.
Last time i told a girl i met, “I love you”, too soon, all she did was make out with me for 4 months and we never started a relationship. You got to wait a while until you know its mutual, then you can say it openly and freely.
Man, don’t you know anything about french? We don’t have a word for like. We can only love someone/something. Jeez. Mr Advice-giver-without-proper-prior-knowledge…er.
J’aime cette fille!
J’aime la pizza!
J’aime aimer! (mais mon bebe aime juste danser)
In that case I’d suggest ditching French as a language to express your feelings to a girl you aren’t already in a serious relationship with (or ditch it altogether). Maybe go with Esperanto?