Trotsky's Treatise on Foodstuffs; and also: FUCK

I had a huge thread written out that was all weepy and went into the deep psychological backstory that comes with losing weight, and how I feel like a much more stable, healthy person now…

But since the thread was nuked by me doing something stupid, I’ll just give you a general overview of what was said:

I used to weigh 270 pounds, I now weigh around 180. Before I started working out at all, I was pushing 3 bills. So I’ve lost about 120 pounds.

I’m actually happy now, for various reasons. Like people I adore on sickeningly disgusting levels.

I’m restarting the diet, getting back to my hijinxular weight-loss roots, and really working on getting myself trim and feeling even better…blah blah blah, yes, I’m gay…

But the thing that fucked my thread to hell was trying to upload pictures that I’m sure you all will enjoy.

The first is me last January, weighing…too much, and looking every ounce of it.

The second is me last month, looking less like I’ll suddenly drop dead due to either a massive coronary, or choking on a large hunk of meat.


“Oh wait…was she a great big fat person?”

Less so…

Notice the same shit-eating smirk on both pictures…

I wonder what’s up with that? Maybe he’s just a big gay homosexual…

Feel free to judge me harshly.

Hey… fuck you. I weigh 180 (apparently my scale lies to me, and I never weighed 190 or 200), and I look like the first picture (minus the smirk, because my smile looks about five billion times as foolish, and so I do not smile for cameras). Fuck you, indeed, skinny-lookng person.

Oh, and just so we’re absolutely perfectly crystal clear on the whole issue, this is where I want to end up:

You can never be as sexy as he.

True enough, but I have to aspire to something.

And if you’re 180, there’s no way you look like the tub in that first picture. I’m sure you look like your average Wisconsin semite. You know, covered in cheap kosher beer and foam cheese yalmulkes…

Not that I want to destroy the self-deprecation and all that wonderful homo-bashing that is going on, but I think you look great (I’m not hitting on you). I’m proud of you for deciding to make a change that, despite all your efforts to demonstrate the contrary, has made you a happier soul. I want to say something like “props” or “kudos,” but I’m clearly not gay enough. So… yarrr?

Yarr works.

Thanks, G Holmes Money Fresh.

I must admit, you’ve made me darn proud. I would recommend claiming you lost all of this weight using some sort of diet plan so that you can become a spokesperson in commercials.

Woah, you grew a chin in the process of dieting!

Also, I only weigh 140. I am of course only 5’5", but I need to shed some pounds and I was wondering what your secret was. Is it Richard Simmons videos? I tried eating them once and they were terrible…

Giving up pop.

It’s incredible how much weight you lose when you cut your sugar intake.

Cutting out fast food is also mighty helpful.

I think I should write a book, but we all know it would simply degenerate from dieting in the 21st century to a guide to the undead.

I think I should go on a diet as well. Your success story inspired me. What do you guys think?

<img src=“”>

I would like to bring to the forum’s attention the fact that I witnessed Trotsky eating Arbys yesterday and drinking a large amount of pop. He ate a giant roast beef sandwich with an extra large helping of curly fries that were soaked in ketchup and various saturated fats. He also made it abundantly clear that he enjoyed the Arbys and may have actually acheived sexual release while eating the Arbys. He then asked me to have sex with his knee. I declined.

Haha, yes. I’m thinking you’ll be the Jared of… Arby’s.

In the thread that was killed, I made it clear that eating Arby’s was just the start of the renewed diet.

And Phil is a…FAT MAN. Get it?


I’m already in the process of killing myself… by jumping out of an airplane over 広島.

I’ll assume that either says Hiroshima or Nagasaki, and I’ll laugh.


Hiroshima, fool. Where else would fat men go <i>[edit] besides to bed with you</i>?