Good lord! Help me

This morning my computer told me to go fuck myself, and now won’t connect to the internet or my home network at all.

It was working fine until I clicked on the little windows update button that appeared, then the internet/network took a shit, and I couldn’t get anywhere (IE wouldn’t connect to anything, Opera would only connect to and nothing else, but now connects to nothing). The other computers on my network can all connect to the internet just fine.

This is why I suspected virus or virii on my machine, because this shit has happened before. I fired up F-prot, found nothing. Fired up adaware, found nothing. I reset the router: nothing. I made sure the network cable was plugged in: nothing.

I can’t even go to to check my router settings, so I’m thinking it’s either a problem with my network card, my network cable, or MY GAY FUCKING COMPUTERALJFLKSJGFLASHGLKSADJSAFLJDASLKFHGAOLSJARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!

It says that the connection is sending and receiving packets…but I don’t know.

I need help…

I told you not to install ad-aware…

Also, I cannot help.

Perhaps you should try <a href=“” target=_blank>Spybot S&D</a>.

Perhaps you should never ever let windows automatically update itself.

In threads like this you always get some arsehole who says “I use Windows Update and it works fine for me.” So I won’t say that.

All I can suggest is remove all your network settings (uninstall your network card, delete any network connections) and start again.

Your IP stacks might be fucked up.

That or save all your data and reinstall Windows.

Also, if your a cheap stealing bitch using a corprate Windows XP CD, I’d recommend that you chnage your Keycode in your registry before you try to install SP1 or update.

I suggest you follow these steps:

1: Write an email message to your best friend admitting you are gay and leave the message up in the background while you…

2: …play a gay porn video in full-screen mode, making sure ot put it on repeat.

3: Stand on a stool, and tie a scarf around your neck and to a rafter in the ceiling, making sure it’s just long enough to suspend you freely if you were to fall off of the stool.

4: Remove all clothes. Crank it until you bust on your monitor, at the same time kicking the stool out from underneith your feet.

5: Hang there. Hang there until you die. Hang there until your parents find you.

6: Everybody laughs at you.

7: Everybody then pees on your corpse.

And your problems are solved!

Phil = Genious

This is not as easy as it seems. I tried that once, howeverl; the scarf I used was far too long.

Instead of suffering a pleasant death I was left suffering a not so pleasant life.

People still pissed on me though, so that’s a plus.

I reinstalled windows, and that got the interweb back.

Although now I can’t open task manager by typing ctrl-alt-del.


Wow, it’s broken again!


AND NOW IT’S WORKING AGAINj Asldhglasghaslghalkfjaslk;jflkasjglkshglksjflksajflsahglsagcxljvlxvmx.,vm.xz,/bm/.bjljflsdf

What did I do, you ask? Well, I opened my cd-rom drive!! THAT MUST BE THE FIX-ALL!

Har, try being a computer tech some time… It’s tons of fun trying to figure stuff like that out while the customer is yelling at you and telling you to give them rediculous discounts on service charges.

Trot to Trotsky: how was schoolies for you?
Trot to Trotsky signed off at 12:42:02 AM.
Pruthin: Ah
Previous message was not received by %s because of error: User Trot to Trotsky is not available.

Trot to Trotsky signed on at 12:42:56 AM.
Trot to Trotsky signed off at 12:43:48 AM.
Trot to Trotsky signed on at 12:44:40 AM.
Trot to Trotsky signed off at 12:44:48 AM.
Trot to Trotsky signed on at 12:45:44 AM.
Trot to Trotsky signed off at 12:45:50 AM.
Trot to Trotsky signed on at 12:46:37 AM.

I think I figured out the problem: my screen saver.

It was a scrolling text marquee saying: FEED ME A STRAY CAT a’la American Psycho.

Ever since I disabled that, the machine has run like a champ.

<b><font size=“3”>WEIRD</font></b>

Should have done what it said, yo.