An extraordinarly bad idea

In 40,000 years, Voyager 1 will reach Alpha Centauri and whatever Aliens happen upon it in that time, will find a neat and tidy map to Earth. Whether they look at this map like the Dead Sea Scrolls or a map to the local Denny’s remains to be seen.

But the less you tell the entire Universe that there’s an underdeveloped planet filled with soft pink meaty wads of deliciousness that is relatively defenseless…probably the better.

I predict our doom in…34 days.

When the probe gets to Alpha Centauri, we’ll either be highly developed and able to defend ourselves, or wiped out by our own greed. You pick which is more likely.

And 34 days wha?

If they were actually advanced enough to come here and eat us or whatever, they probably would do it either way, because the first star you’re probably going to visit is the one closest to you. But maybe that’s just a crazy man’s logic…

No no, I’m not saying the Aliens at Alpha Centauri are going to come after us.

I’m just saying some Aliens zipping through Interstellar space are going to find it, and then eat us for our delicious nitrates.

And I predict this will happen sometime in the next 34 days.

Galactus happens. We lose.

You have approximately 0 chance of being right, unless aliens somehow manage to both occupy the entire volume of the universe and be massless and invisible. Unless you mean the craft will be discovered by God, and that he will then decide to eat us. This sounds likely.

You’re making all kinds of assumptions here that I don’t like. I DONT LIKE THEM.

God: Excellent! This probe reaching extrasolar space is my signal that the human race’s brains are fully cooked and delicious.

Humans: WTF? Oh shit!

God: Now where did I put the salt?

Lot’s Wife: Right here, yo.

It’s not God I fear.

It’s the Interstellar Otungulian Brain Weasels that He created…

Wait, isn’t Voyager 1 supposed to turn into some kind of supercloud of destructive destructiveness and come back to wage war against Earth or something like that?

only in a shitty outer limits episode

Listen, all I know is that in 32 days we’re going to be attacked by brain weasels, superintelligent apes, or some sort of flesh eating space virus…and it’s all science’s fault.

I say we blame science, and tear down the observatory, so this never happens again.


Athor says no.

Shit. We’de better get to work on inventing Vulcans so we can mind-meld with it when it comes back.

Thank you, Phil, for getting my joke. Now I will weep…